Less About College, More About Learning

Today, Sunday, August 30th, is the last day of my year off from school; I affectionately call it my Sabbath year. You can call it whatever you want to though.

Last Friday I kept yelling "It's the last day of summer!!!!" (And I do mean to tell you I was yelling.) Well, my poor roommates just didn't know what to make of me every time I yelled it. Just for the record, I don't count weekends as the summer because you get those during the school year anyways, so Friday was in fact the last day of summer.

The funny looks my roommates kept giving me last Friday made me self conscious, thus leading me to really analyze exactly why I was taking it so hard that summer is over. I realized that it has more to do with the fact that this year of Sabbath is over than anything else. It's over! The work is beginning and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Thinking about this next year becomes really depressing really quickly because my mind goes into this thing where I picture myself toiling and laboring and never again finding respite. I see myself tired and worn, wrinkled and hunched over, probably mentally slipping from the stress and fatigue. It all starts tomorrow and won't end until retirement (if there is even a retirement for me...). It's so dramatic, but I'm a girl so that's just how my mind works. We all know that's not realistic, but I can get there pretty quickly depending on the day. The last day of summer was the perfect day to get there too.

But look, I was thinking about my time in Honduras. That was by no means a "Sabbath." It was straight work and labor. I actually was tired and worn most days, but I have not felt so wholly alive as I did working in that ministry. Every day God breathed life into me in a way that transcends words. God does that still now, but in a much less profound and loud way, He does it in more of an intimate whisper, and I love that too.

So here is what I have come to conclude. I believe that God created me for a specific ministry. I love that ministry and I find every chance I can to participate in it right where I am, and The Lord opens doors to it even as I am single and in college. But, there is a limited amount I can be involved in it because of the commitment I have to make to college.

I see college as preparation, but not my strong suit. It wears me out in a way that isn't like the orphanage. It feels like walking up stream, against the current, while working in my gifts can feel more like walking down stream -- still challenging, but natural and with the flow. But, I think that God has asked me to walk through college, against my natural flow, despite the challenge it is to me. It's a special flavor of sanctification He is offering.

There may at any one time in my life a few things that come less naturally to me even if, Lord willing, I get to put my time and energy into ministry that I love. It is realistic to think that I will face challenges that are as difficult as college, most likely more difficult. It is safe to assume that someday  I'll have to do things that I dislike more than college. Most likely I'll have to walk against the current of who I am to get something done that needs to be done and it'll make college look like my domain.

You know what I'm thinking, I'm thinking maybe this season is about finding contentment and joy when that happens, and figuring out how to thrive despite it.

The Confirmation of Peaceful Mornings

I have officially arrived in Sacramento and am living with my four roommates, it's been really fun so far. I won't lie though, I was not excited to move. I knew that moving meant rent, school, and a job. All those things mean lots of money and work. I also am coming off the heels of the biggest trips of my life, ten months away from home. I only got to sit down once with lots of my closest friends during the time I was home. It was so hard to leave my family and closest friends again after being gone for so long. Moving away from home was hard on so many levels I can't even really explain it all the way.

I was telling my lovely mentor about this, about my total breakdown with my parents, about the whole shabang, and she asked (an absolutely valid question) "Is this really what God has for you? Are you sure that Sacramento is where He's calling you?" (I am so glad I have people in my life asking me questions like this!)

It didn't take but a moment to respond. I have believe that God was calling me up to Sacramento for a while now. I don't know why, but I am convinced He is. Even if it sucks the whole time (which it hasn't so far), He is. He has worked out every detail and every big plan and I believe that He is opening doors as confirmation. So I told her that. I told her all the reasons why I knew this is where He would have me for this season, and just telling her helped remind me in a fresh way.

But you know what happened the first morning here? I got up and made a cup of coffee (the coffee my mentor bought me),  and I sat down with the Bible, and it was refreshing. It was peaceful. It was calm. It almost felt like it did when I was in Costa Rica.

I don't know about you, but when I am out of God's will I feel off. Like my outfits don't match and my hair looks bad and absolutely my quiet times are not peaceful. I usually spend the whole time trying to justify how my actions and situation are okay and I don't really have the presence of heart or mind to stop and be with the Lord. In a way I hide (are we all not daughters of Eve?). But these few mornings I have had here have been peaceful. There has been no hiding, no excuses. I have merely curled up on the corner of the couch and sat with my best friend enjoying His Word and the knowledge that He has never left me, never forsaken me, and is with me.

That right there is confirmation. Beyond the open doors and the circumstances, peace and confidence that minister to your soul is an amazing confirmation of His will.