Today, Sunday, August 30th, is the last day of my year off from school; I affectionately call it my Sabbath year. You can call it whatever you want to though.
Last Friday I kept yelling "It's the last day of summer!!!!" (And I do mean to tell you I was yelling.) Well, my poor roommates just didn't know what to make of me every time I yelled it. Just for the record, I don't count weekends as the summer because you get those during the school year anyways, so Friday was in fact the last day of summer.
The funny looks my roommates kept giving me last Friday made me self conscious, thus leading me to really analyze exactly why I was taking it so hard that summer is over. I realized that it has more to do with the fact that this year of Sabbath is over than anything else. It's over! The work is beginning and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Thinking about this next year becomes really depressing really quickly because my mind goes into this thing where I picture myself toiling and laboring and never again finding respite. I see myself tired and worn, wrinkled and hunched over, probably mentally slipping from the stress and fatigue. It all starts tomorrow and won't end until retirement (if there is even a retirement for me...). It's so dramatic, but I'm a girl so that's just how my mind works. We all know that's not realistic, but I can get there pretty quickly depending on the day. The last day of summer was the perfect day to get there too.
But look, I was thinking about my time in Honduras. That was by no means a "Sabbath." It was straight work and labor. I actually was tired and worn most days, but I have not felt so wholly alive as I did working in that ministry. Every day God breathed life into me in a way that transcends words. God does that still now, but in a much less profound and loud way, He does it in more of an intimate whisper, and I love that too.
So here is what I have come to conclude. I believe that God created me for a specific ministry. I love that ministry and I find every chance I can to participate in it right where I am, and The Lord opens doors to it even as I am single and in college. But, there is a limited amount I can be involved in it because of the commitment I have to make to college.
I see college as preparation, but not my strong suit. It wears me out in a way that isn't like the orphanage. It feels like walking up stream, against the current, while working in my gifts can feel more like walking down stream -- still challenging, but natural and with the flow. But, I think that God has asked me to walk through college, against my natural flow, despite the challenge it is to me. It's a special flavor of sanctification He is offering.
There may at any one time in my life a few things that come less naturally to me even if, Lord willing, I get to put my time and energy into ministry that I love. It is realistic to think that I will face challenges that are as difficult as college, most likely more difficult. It is safe to assume that someday I'll have to do things that I dislike more than college. Most likely I'll have to walk against the current of who I am to get something done that needs to be done and it'll make college look like my domain.
You know what I'm thinking, I'm thinking maybe this season is about finding contentment and joy when that happens, and figuring out how to thrive despite it.
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